We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
