Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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