Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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