I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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