I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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