it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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