god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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