i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
