on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
