It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize