Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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