Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
God, I missed his penis.
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