ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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