I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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