So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
