i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
