she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
