She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
