she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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