don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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