let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
