I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba