just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
