I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
