and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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