At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
