Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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