paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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