Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
