"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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