I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize