I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
