well you can't waste a boner
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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