My nipple is on Facebook.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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