fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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