he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
