I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
