he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
