Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
