I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
