its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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