two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize