question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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