I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No subtext here. People are naked.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
