I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
