I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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