Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
