I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
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Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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