So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
