our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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