That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
