We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
