I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
