Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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