I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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