wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
