I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
