She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
