Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Help. Why am I so naked?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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