Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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