he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
