just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
areolas are like halos for boobs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
