So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well you can't waste a boner
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
