So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
