Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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