In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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