Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
