can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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