Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this will be a night to untag.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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