I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
50% drunk capacity currently
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
