God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
