are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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