I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
