there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
