No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
